Understand and accept your current reality.
HURDLE #2: Accepting yourself.
One of the hardest things to do is to come to terms with our reality and accept where we are. Self-acceptance is more difficult than accepting someone else with the same faults and issues. But why? Why is it so hard and what is the point?
Do you constantly reflect on past experiences? “I used to be able to do _______.”
Do you reflect on how you used to look? Do you look at old pictures of yourself wishing you still looked like that? Do your conversations sound like this…“I used to be ________lbs.” “I used to be a size ________.” “I used to be able to dead-lift ________.” “I used to have dark brown hair.” “I used to be skinnier.”
Do you have pants in the closet that haven’t fit in years?
Do you find yourself thinking about how much money you used to make?
Do you find yourself thinking about the house you used to live in because you feel it was nicer than what you have now? Do you think about the house you could have or the car you could be driving had your money situation not changed?
Do you often think about a past relationship you were in wishing that you were still in it even if it wasn’t good for you because now you’re single, now you’re alone, now you have to split the time with the kids?
Were you really better able to handle things back then? Or is it that your situation was different so you weren’t forced to think about it?
These are hard questions to consider. It’s hard because no one really wants to confront the past. No one wants to accept that they might not be as good as they were. It’s uncomfortable. It leaves you wondering, “what if?” So we distract ourselves with more work, more projects, more activities, more spending, more eating.
But here’s where it’s gonna get harder. I forewarned you. BUT transformation begins in the mind. The way we reason affects the way we act. What I’m saying is, you cannot expect to progress if you’re stuck in the past. What I’m not saying is that you’re not allowed to feel. You totally are. But don’t stay there. For some people, it takes a week to heal. For others, it takes months or years. But if you’re ready and willing to live with intention and purpose, then you have to be willing to let go of the past life, past self, past physical self, and past reality.
Accept your life. Accept yourself. Accept your reality.
But HOW do we do that?
Accept your emotional self. Unconditionally love and value yourself and where you are. Acknowledge all of your bad decisions and good decisions from your past. Write down the bad decisions that you’ve made. What decisions did you make that got you where you are? Admit your mistakes. Admit your faults. Accept responsibility that what you did or said, got you to where you are. Then dig deep. Write down a statement or statements that turn the bad decisions you’ve made and past mistakes you’ve made into something that you learned from or can learn from. If you have trouble doing this, start with this, “I accept _____. I acknowledge_____. I learned____. I can learn _____.”
Accept all of your physical self. Acknowledge all of your body parts. Write down the parts of your body that you’re not quite comfortable with. We often pick certain parts of our bodies apart but never look at the physical body as a whole. Then get naked. Look at your whole body. Cry if you need to. Laugh if you feel like it. Look at yourself as a whole. Human being. You have a body that works, a body that moves, a body that carried a child, a body that has a scar, a body that heals, a body that shows love. If you have trouble doing this, start here, “I hate my ______. But I’m making a conscious decision not to single ______ out. I’m choosing to love my whole body. I can ______, I can ______, I can _______.
Stop should-ing all over yourself. “I should be xx weight.” “I should be making xx amount of money.” “I should be lifting this much.” “I shouldn’t have said that.” “I should have said this.” “I should have meditated the other night.” “I should have exercised the other day.” This is still living in the past. It’s just a different way of looking at the past. Instead of “I used to….,” it’s “I should have….” This is also guilt. This guilt is not who you are. This guilt is not for you. This guilt is not what you’re meant to carry. So stop it. Catch yourself. And stop it. Make a conscious effort to think about what you’re thinking about. Write down your “should be’s,” “should haves,” “shouldn’t haves,” then burn this piece of paper to the ground. Make a conscious decision once and for all to stop “should-ing.”
This stuff is going to take some practice. Being truly honest about where you are and what you think of yourself, owning your current reality, facing your current reality, and coming into true discipline, will help you become happier with who you are and what you have. This will also help you make better choices in the future. Practice acceptance every day.
Out of the Belly
~Caroline